While sitting around the table on Thanksgiving…
80 year old Grandpa: "The doctor says I need that prostate surgery but I’m afraid it will ruin my sex life."

Mom: "Quit fondling your brother’s man-boobs."

Dad: "He who pees into the wind becomes his own wet wipe."

Mom: “Wouldn’t it be useful to have a recycle button? Every time you’re thirsty, you press the button and your bladder is emptied and your thirst is gone!”

Submitted by: Linda S.

Mom: You should try *whispered* “self stimulation” It is REALLY great!

Mom: I need to teach you how to please a man. I just think you should read more Cosmo.

“You better be using protection. Accidents happen, how do you think you got here?”

- Our first sex talk.

I had sex once before your father. He put it in then took it out real fast does that count?

Mom: Suck it!
Dad: Then drink it!

Gramma (after dropping her glasses in her lap): “Well, I guess I just wanted to see what was going on in my vagina.”