Mom: I will support you in anything you do.
Me: What if my goal in life is to be an alcoholic?
Mom: Then I'll help you write on cardboard.

Dad: I jumped over a Volkswagon Beetle once.
Me: How!?
Dad: Wine and pharmaceuticals may have been involved.

TV Commercial for AA: "Has alcohol lost its magic for you?"
Mom : (taking a drink) "Nope, not yet."

Submitted by: Annie

Dad: You’re not an alcoholic as long as you’re only drinking clear-colored liquor before 5 pm.

Submitted by: Amanda

Sister: "You put Bailey’s in your cereal?"
Mom: "We ran out of milk."

Submitted by: Whitney

My mother (always very nasty when drunk): “You’re the f**king spawn of Satan!”
Me (rolling eyes): “You realize that makes you the Devil’s bitch, right?”

Submitted by: Psychocat

Mom: “Stop doing drugs…”
Me: “I don’t do drugs, Mom….”
Mom: “I’m a first grade teacher, so I KNOW that alcohol is a drug.”

“You were conceived on alcohol. AC/DC and alcohol.”

Thanks mom. Thanks a lot.

“Who left this beer sitting out? I tolerate a lot of things in my house but alcohol abuse isn’t one of them!”

“Imagine how much smarter you’d be if I didn’t drink so much when I was pregnant with you.”