(After having seen a modified car in a parking lot)
Dad: You know, someday I wanna trick out my car. Paint some red flames on it with a green dragon humping a white unicorn on the side.
Submitted by: You do that…
(After coming back from a spa where they do facials and waxes)
Dad: So, did you get a brazilian?
Me: Dad, you don't ask your daughter that!
Dad: Why, what does it mean?
Submitted by: KF
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Mom: In the winter, I shower only every 3 days because I don't sweat. It's amazing the money it saves on the electricity bill.
Me: Ew!
Mom: But I wouldn't recommend you do that. You're young, you probably have sex.
Submitted by: Sophie
(After being asked if he needed a box to carry home my first hamster)
Dad: No, I’ll just eat it here.
Submitted by: Maribelle
Mom: When I was younger, I either wanted to fly or be a mob boss.
Submitted by: Katelyn
(Directed towards a telemarketer)
Dad: WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?! ON THE SEVENTH NIGHT OF THE NINTH MOON!
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Mom: Orange juice is empty calories! Now, eat these Oreos.
Submitted by: AnnaBanana
Me: Thanks for waking me up at 3 in the morning with truck fumes.
Dad: I figured the carbon monoxide would help you sleep.
Submitted by: Lina
Mom: Your sister was planned. You…I had too much alcohol at a christmas party and your dad took advantage of it.
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Me: If you would quit smoking we wouldn’t have this problem.
Dad: If I were a virgin we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Submitted by: anon
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