Archive for the 'oh dad' Category

(Meeting my girlfriend)
Dad: Jesus! You look like a witch.
Girlfriend: I am a Wiccan, not a witch.
Dad: Oh, so you're just crazy and think you have magical powers. I was worried there for a minute.

Dad: I'm so clever I think my foot might fall off.

(After having seen a modified car in a parking lot)
Dad: You know, someday I wanna trick out my car. Paint some red flames on it with a green dragon humping a white unicorn on the side.

(I’m 23) Me: Dad, you never really gave me the sex talk.
Dad: You'll get that talk when you lose your virginity.

Dad: It was old school, the men worked, the women cooked. What’s that called again?
Mom: Slavery.
Dad: Oh, yeah. That's it.

Dad: Half the women in the country are women!

Me: Why do I feel like no one cares?
Dad: Well, probably because you smell weird and your mom dresses you funny.

Dad: People with mustaches aren’t allowed to eat ice cream, that’s the rule.

(Directed towards a telemarketer)
Dad: WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?! ON THE SEVENTH NIGHT OF THE NINTH MOON!

Dad: Those soldiers over in Iraq have it tough with all the IUDs exploding around them.